Letters from the Inside
by The Chainsaw Juliet
Summary: BOOK 5 FIC! SPOILERS! And mild seriously mild Sirius x Remus yaoi. Just a fic based on letters three very important peeps write about the one person they've lost.


MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR BOOK FIVE! READ AT OWN RISK!!!!!!!! 

Yah. I finished the new book in two and a half days. Yup. Go me! It actually took me longer to read the fourth book than the fifth. I just kept reading the fifth to find out who died, cuz my very favorite will always be the third one. When I found out who died, i bawled my eyes out! OMG! How could Rowling do that?????? *eyes well up* Anyway, I am a massive Paddy/Moony yaoi fan, so I became heartbroken at the thought of poor Moony all alone! *sniffles* 

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*~Letters from the Inside~* 

_ Dear Harry, _

First and foremost, how are you? I know that you are suffering a lot from your loss, but we are too. Lupin though mostly. It's heartbreaking to watch the shy cute werewolf nowadays. He's like a shell, no longer able to function without your Godfather. Sometimes he just sits there in his room, looking out the window as though he's expecting him to return. But he's not, and everyone knows that, though we know Lupin doesn't want to believe it. 

I think he loved him, Harry. If you looked close enough, they always shared secret glances and Lupin always had a cute dreamy look in his tired eyes. Personally, I think they were so cute together, a perfect couple. Sirius with his law-breaking devil-may-care attitude and Lupin with his shy bookish life. My heart goes out to Lupin. I hope he recovers enough to cherish all the memories he shared with Sirius, instead of wasting away in front of the window. 

I'm so sorry that this letter isn't very happy, but I also feel that I need to get all this off my chest. Please write back soon Harry, and if you can, write to Lupin. 

- Tonks 

Tonks rubbed her knuckles furiously over her eyes, willing the tears away. She blew on the parchment, folded it, placed it into the waiting envelope and gave it to Nemhari, her owl. She watched the owl fly away until it was a mere speck in the night sky. 

She ran a hand through her outrageous pink hair and sighed. Closing her eyes, she thought of Lupin and the way his eyes would light up whenever Sirius was near, or the way he beamed whenever Sirius was with him. _ How could we not have seen it until it was too late? _

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_ Dear Lupin, _

I know you probably don't want to hear from me, or anyone for that matter, but from what everyone's told me, I need to put an end to all this. What comes next may offend you, but I really need to tell you how I feel. So here I go. 

My Godfather loved you. I could see it. And I know that you loved him too. When he- 

Harry's hand wavered, and he moved it away just in time before the drop of ink could damage the letter. But though he rescued the letter from the ink drop, he could not rescue it from the tears that gently splattered the parchment. He took a deep shuddering breath before forcing himself to continue. 

_ When he left, everyone felt the pain. Myself included. I had come to love him almost like a second father, though sometimes he was more like an older brother. He was the only person I could call "family" besides the Dursleys and...well...you. _

Professor, you're like an uncle to me. I've come to love you like one, and I don't want to hear of you wasting your life away wishing for something that can never happen. I've already lost someone I loved and I don't want to lose another one. 

Think about it Professor, would he have wanted you to waste your life over his death? No. The Sirius I knew would want you to move on. He would've wanted you to remember him, not become a zombie from wishful thinking. 

He's gone. Don't waste your life wishing he wasn't, because he is. But **do** cherish all the memories you made with him, the times your heart was in the sky because of him, the times your heart wanted to explode from joy because of him and in that way, he's truly alive again. Alive in your heart. 

- Harry 

The tired teen re-read his letter before going through the routine of sending it. Harry wiped a few tears that had managed to creep out from his bright emerald eyes. He looked out his window and saw the moon gleaming brightly, yet coldly, as mysterious as she always was. _ Tomorrow's a full moon. Probably the very first one that Professor will go through alone. _

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_ To my love, _

I'm nothing without you. I feel so empty, because you took my heart with you when you fell. So many times I have wished I fell with you. 

I'm so lost. Every morning I wake and feel the sunlight burning my eyes. The eyes that have become so red from crying. And at night I feel the cold because you're not there to hold me anymore. I miss your warm smile, your warm eyes, your warm embrace, and your warm kisses. But the one thing I miss above all those things, is you. 

I still can't believe you're gone. In the morning I still half expect you to embrace me as I drink coffee and read the newspaper, still half expect you to kiss me and tell me that you love me. I even make a cup of coffee for you every morning, because I keep telling myself that you've just slept in. 

Aren't I so pathetic? I'm wasting away in front of my very own eyes and I can't stop it. I really wish I could, but I can't force myself away from the window. I keep looking, searching desperately for a black dog running, tail wagging happily and barking loudly as he announces his return. I keep searching but I know I will never find it. Nor will I find a tall handsome man dressed in all black, living true to his surname, with long black hair messily swept back and beautiful lively eyes. 

There is one thought that provides a little comfort for me. Though you're gone in body, I know that your spirit is in a place forever where death cannot take you away. 

My heart. 

-yours forever, Remus 

The man had just enough time to push the letter away before slumping forward onto the table, his head cradled in his arms as sobs racked his small, fragile form. 

After a few minutes, he lifted his head, brushed away the tears and placed the letter into a waiting envelope. He thought about sealing it with his usual red candle but then thought of a better way. He searched his pockets for the little dagger Sirius had given him on his birthday. Celtic words were scrawled down the blade. When translated, it read _ "no matter how far thy art away from thee, the same moon shines over us." _

Lupin placed the dagger at his wrist and gently created a small cut. He let a few drops of blood fall onto the envelope before sealing it with his signet ring. He thought ironically of making the cut deeper but shook the thought away. Casting a simple heal spell erased the thought permanently. 

Once the "seal" had dried, he wrote his beloved's name on the front, but not without tears making the ink run slightly. 

The heartbroken man closed his eyes, the letter clutched at his heart and he concentrated on the dreaded room where his soulmate died. 

A second later he was there, slightly disoriented as the room swam into view. Everything was still the way it was, no one daring to try to clean a room where the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters had fought. Scanning the room with tired amber eyes, he spotted the cursed one-way door that Sirius fell through. His footsteps echoed loudly in the empty room, the emptiness reflecting the feeling in his heart perfectly. 

He held the letter with one shaky hand and slid it straight through the black void, letting go at the last minute. The darkness swallowed it up and even Lupin's werewolf eyes couldn't distinguish anything in the door. He leant forward, as close as he dared and whispered softly into the swirling blackness. 

_"I miss you. I need you. I love you." _

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The moon watched silently as a man apparated back to his lover's home. She watched with her immortally ice-blue eyes as he leant his head on the cold, slightly frosted window and began to sob over his broken heart. 

Silent. She was always silent, forever gazing upon the beings that received light gratefully from her during the dark of the night. She was forever seeing things that mere mortals could not, as she was doing at the very moment. 

A smile graced her pale, translucent face as she watched the spirit of his beloved come up and embrace him from behind. The man closed his eyes, savouring the warmth but refusing to believe that he was really there. Her smile widened as the spirit kissed his lover's cheek, his lips lingering for a few heartbeats before he faded back into the night. 

She shook her head sadly, making her immensely long floating cascade of white waves bounce with the movement. 

_ Why do mortals always refuse to believe what they cannot see?_

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He had felt it. For those brief moments he had felt those same arms he had longed for, for so long, wrap around his body. He had felt the kiss his heart had longed for, for so long, brush against his cheek, momentarily making him feel as though nothing had happened, and that his soulmate was still alive. 

"No more," he whispered to the moon, "no more will I waste my life wishing. I know that you'll never leave me. Watch over me, my love. I'll try to be strong for you." 

And for the briefest moments, he saw him. Saw Sirius smiling the devilish smile he was known for, the moonlight twinkling in his eyes. Saw Sirius lean forward, felt Sirius kiss him lightly as his eyes watered with tears of both joy and pain. 

Lupin closed his eyes and savoured the moment, the tears running down his cheeks, but he knew that when he opened his eyes, Sirius would be gone. 

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Yah. I made my friend cry over this. Yay! Go me! This idea's been stuck in my head and I'm just glad I've finally written it all! I was actually given the opportunity to be the first person to post up the very first HP 5 fanfic, but something went wrong with the posting and my file was DELETED!!!! WAH! So I missed out. *sniffles* N e wayz, I hope you peeps enjoyed it! 

-TDR 


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